Why Boundaries Feel So Hard for Women Who Self-Abandon

Understanding the body’s resistance to saying “no”

For many women, setting boundaries doesn’t just feel uncomfortable—it feels wrong. There’s a deep, almost physical pull to keep the peace, to smooth things over, to make sure no one feels disappointed. But this resistance isn’t because you lack strength or confidence. It’s often the echo of an old survival strategy: self-abandonment.

When you grow up equating love with compliance, your nervous system learns that connection depends on your ability to stay agreeable. Over time, your body begins to link “no” with danger. So even as an adult, the idea of asserting a limit can trigger tension in your chest, a racing heart, or the urge to explain yourself. Your body isn’t betraying you—it’s trying to protect you from what once felt like emotional abandonment.

From a somatic perspective, boundaries begin in the body, not the mind. Before you can speak them, you have to feel safe enough to hold them. Practices like slowing your breath, feeling your feet on the ground, or noticing where your body contracts when you think of saying “no” start to retrain your system. You’re teaching your body that it’s possible to stay connected and truthful at the same time.

As you develop this inner safety, boundaries stop feeling like confrontation and start feeling like self-respect. You begin to understand that honoring your needs doesn’t harm your relationships—it actually deepens them. When you show up authentically, others know where you stand and how to meet you there.

If you’re ready to shift from over-accommodating to empowered, somatic therapy can help you reconnect with your body’s wisdom and reclaim your voice. Schedule a free consultation at DierdreWallaceTherapy.com to begin learning how to set boundaries that honor both your truth and your peace.